Have Laptop Will Travel

Quench your thirst for knowledge

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Google GulpAt Google our mission is to organize the world’s information and make it useful and accessible to our users. But any piece of information’s usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who’s using it. That’s why we’re pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of “smart drinks” designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.

Google Gulp

Think fruity. Think refreshing.
Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink™ technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex. Plus, it’s low in carbs! And with flavors ranging from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you’ll never run out of ways to quench your thirst for knowledge.

Find out more…

20 Actual Star Wars lines you might hear in a porno

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  1. Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?
  2. Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?
  3. You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.
  4. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care what you smell!
  5. She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid
  6. Negative! It didn’t go in. It just impacted on the surface
  7. “Back door, huh? Good idea.”
  8. Pull out Wedge, you can’t do any more good back there!
  9. There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.
  10. “Look at the size of that thing”
  11. Almost there… just a couple of seconds…
  12. Let’s blow this thing so we can go home!
  13. You’ve got something jammed in here real good.
  14. “Get on top of it!” “I’m trying!”
  15. “I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”
  16. Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me — now I owe you one.
  17. “This may smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm.”
  18. “Hey! Point that thing someplace else!”
  19. I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me ‘Master’
  20. “I want you to take her. I mean it! Take her!”